- Old chemist never die, they just stop reacting.
- What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar molecule!
- What did one charged atom say to the other? I've got my ion you.
- What element is a girls best friend? Carbon.
- What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe
- A neutron walks into a shop and says,"I"d like a coke."
The shopkeeper serves up the coke.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
The shopkeeper replies, "For you? No charge." - What element derives from a Norse god? Thorium.
- Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? He got Avogadro's number!
- Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.
- Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.
- The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The chemist sees the glass as completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the gaseous state.